I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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