i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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