i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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