I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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