my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
