OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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