I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
