The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
