Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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