guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
