Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
