You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Where did you get a picture of my penis
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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