"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
