yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
