he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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