i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
