Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
