and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
