It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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