the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
