I heard we made out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
