We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
