It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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