Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I got inside last night via doggy door
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
