Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
