I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
