would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
