Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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