I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
