wake up i wanna do it froggy style
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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