clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
