There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
