It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
