we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
