I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just high enough for therapy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
