Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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