I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The Olympian is in my bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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