the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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