It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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