the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
