I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
