Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
