nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
