In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
