TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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