i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
