I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
