Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
