I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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