It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
