There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
