I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
